what lead me here

mischief dilutes the acids of a brain once surrounded by negligence, i forget how to smile, laugh and think of not thinking. I'm somehow distraught of being constantly distraught, why do these disfigured blanks of crimson clouds swallow my thoughts. i seem to find myself constantly explaining what i have been through and currently going through, this has shown no results, only further disagreement on my behalf. On the outside, my exterior has forcibly continued in protecting the gathered organs growing over these past twenty three years, but yet failed tremendously in protecting the most vital organ of all, an organ that we proceed only to exist in a mindless state of Euphoria: The Heart.


I'm already dead to all of you reading this, i have always been and always will be. These words will not save my superficial, narcissistic, and gladly demented soul, they help to but ponder my unfavored existence. Why am i writing this down? maybe to help settle these sad ashes of dust that have risen from a shock unsettled. or maybe to help these baby toe-d feet gain ground. or maybe just a slight reassurance that i do truly exist and plan to do so, even though i may be forgotten....
I have seen a world so ugly...not cruel but divinely ugly, all the while wishing and praying that i could look away. I was forced to grave my eyes upon a form so hideous and evil, yanked by my throat and pulled by hair to pierce my eyes to a life i was told would be my forever. 


How sad and broken hearted am i, for the girl i once was a year from today, not knowing what was soon to come and bite her in the face. 


<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>