glisten like a rainbow maybe

2011-10-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

Its no use trying to change what has already been changed, i feel weak and betrayed by not only the filthy humans i have come to be accustomed by, but by the great of wave of forensic destiny overleaped by genetic fate. Death has welcomed itself in the desert of my heaven, made itself very cosy eating away at my flesh while my heart constantly yearns for that constant black void of silence.
my hunger for pain exceeds the limits that fathom beneath the silky lairs of my imagination, where is my eternal slumber?

Demonic maniacs of a sharp reality are circling my bones and hair, they gather around the remnants of what is left of me, and melt the words that my bones once breathed. They eat through the tears my hair braided through my skull once, a very long time ago. A very long time ago, i wasn't there. A long time ago, i wasn't but figments of nothing withering away in an absolute truth that would forge my presence.

I want to break, just snap, like a nail off a dewy skin surface. I want to tear away from all that i have become, i want to be nothing like i am now. I want to be a child, i want innocence with a hint of justice. I want to dig my claws into the eyes of a person who likes to be called abuse. I want to tear out the sickle veins of excess waste that make you who you are. This i promise myself, you shall never lay a fucking finger on me.

what lead me here

2011-10-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

mischief dilutes the acids of a brain once surrounded by negligence, i forget how to smile, laugh and think of not thinking. I'm somehow distraught of being constantly distraught, why do these disfigured blanks of crimson clouds swallow my thoughts. i seem to find myself constantly explaining what i have been through and currently going through, this has shown no results, only further disagreement on my behalf. On the outside, my exterior has forcibly continued in protecting the gathered organs growing over these past twenty three years, but yet failed tremendously in protecting the most vital organ of all, an organ that we proceed only to exist in a mindless state of Euphoria: The Heart.

I'm already dead to all of you reading this, i have always been and always will be. These words will not save my superficial, narcissistic, and gladly demented soul, they help to but ponder my unfavored existence. Why am i writing this down? maybe to help settle these sad ashes of dust that have risen from a shock unsettled. or maybe to help these baby toe-d feet gain ground. or maybe just a slight reassurance that i do truly exist and plan to do so, even though i may be forgotten....
I have seen a world so ugly...not cruel but divinely ugly, all the while wishing and praying that i could look away. I was forced to grave my eyes upon a form so hideous and evil, yanked by my throat and pulled by hair to pierce my eyes to a life i was told would be my forever.

How sad and broken hearted am i, for the girl i once was a year from today, not knowing what was soon to come and bite her in the face.

<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>
<<With birds i'll share this lonely vieW>>

Sweet Demise

glisten like a rainbow maybe

what lead me here